Sunday, June 29, 2008
i was brighter. now i'm dark/dim/dim-wit. the only people i can and have to turn to turn me down. these were the people who were supposed to be supportive of me, they were supposed to help me pick myself up and to help me along the way. but they have never. through all these years i've been stuck in the same rut, in this vicious cycle all over and over again like a broken carousel. i've been put down once every few days and i've been living with it. afterall, i tell myself that i'm not in the worst situation, i tell myself to think of the people who are in more pain. but this pain, it's excrutiating. and this pain has been with me for many years to come. and they just doubt me all the time. they think i'm just out here with my life trying to screw myself and trying to destroy myself. i'm sure that's what everyone wants to do. they just think i'm not up to it, that i'm not up to anything. they think i'm just wasting their money away and just spending my life away. they think i'm a joke. i'm the worst daughter on earth and anyone who marries me is unlucky. i'm going to drop out of my degree. i haven't been serious about anything in my life. how does it feel like to have all these instilled in you? it could not have hurt more. "so many people are getting into local uni it's so easy" "you can't even get into one of the 3 unis" "your grades are so bad you're not even ready for uni maybe you should go poly" "how can you assure you won't fail your courses and drop out?" "you didn't study for your A's you were playing a fool" i can't help it if i'm not smart and not who you want me to be. i know it kills you. it kills me too. okay i'm just really down i don't really feel like doing anything and tmr i have to go smile at visitors at the zoo.
i wish someone could say to me, "let me take you there."
this is so dark.
the great escape - boys like girls douya i send you this song :)
love you like a sister;
2:56 pm
